For a long time, I thought I was failing as a mother.
I didn’t realize my body was changing too.
I began to notice it in small ways.
The way I mothered no longer worked the same.
My body reacted differently.
My patience felt thinner.
My emotions louder.
My need for rest deeper.
This shift can begin years before menopause.
For some women in their late 30s or early 40s.
For others, much later.
Some are just beginning perimenopause.
Some are in the thick of menopause.
Some — like me — are already postmenopausal.
I am postmenopausal, and I’m on hormone replacement therapy.
I didn’t arrive here easily.
What I know now is this:
these stages are not problems to fix.
They are thresholds.
And we don’t cross thresholds the same way, or at the same time.
When two transitions meet
For almost two years, Sabrina and I clashed.
A lot.
Explosions.
Misunderstandings.
Reactivity on both sides.
I felt like I was failing.
Like I was losing her.
Like something precious was slipping through my fingers.
What I didn’t understand then was this:
We were both crossing a threshold at the same time.
She was stepping out of childhood.
I was stepping out of who I had been.
She was entering a biological, emotional, and social transition.
I was entering one that was biological, emotional, and often silent.
Two storms under one roof.
The silent suffering of mothers
Many of us carry this quietly.
Some are single mothers.
Some are partnered.
Some have one child.
Some have many.
Some are raising children while working full-time, running businesses, or holding families together.
Many are also caring for aging parents — living in the sandwich generation.
Regardless of our circumstances, mothers tend to mother everyone.
We carry a heavy emotional load — even without hormonal changes.
When perimenopause, menopause, or postmenopause enter the picture, that load can feel overwhelming.
I suffered a lot in silence.
Not because I was weak —
but because there was nowhere to put what I was carrying.
Regulation changed everything
What began to shift things between Sabrina and me was not discipline.
Not strategies.
Not fixing her.
It was regulation.
When I started slowing down,
pausing before reacting,
listening to my body instead of pushing through,
something softened in her too.
As I learned to regulate myself,
she slowly began to regulate as well.
We didn’t become perfect.
But we became safer with each other.
Why community matters — in every stage
This phase of life was never meant to be navigated alone.
Whether you are:
- just beginning to sense changes
- deep in perimenopause or menopause
- or already on the other side, postmenopausal
we all need spaces where we can:
- speak honestly
- rest our nervous systems
- feel understood without explaining ourselves
The Mother–Daughter Circles were created from this place.
Not because I had everything figured out —
but because I needed community.
And I know I’m not the only one.
If you are here
If you feel exhausted.
If you feel tender.
If you feel like something is ending and something else hasn’t begun yet.
You are not broken.
You are crossing a threshold.
And thresholds are easier to cross
when we don’t cross them alone.
If any part of this resonates with you, you are not meant to hold it alone.
Alongside the circles, I also offer My First Moon Camp—a multi-day experience created for girls who are approaching or beginning menstruation.
During the camp, girls learn about:
- Emotional changes
- Physical changes
- Hormonal shifts
- The meaning of this transition in an age-appropriate, empowering way
The final day includes a ceremony with mothers, honoring this moment together through ritual and connection.
The circles and the camp serve different purposes—and they complement each other beautifully.
An Invitation
If you’re longing for:
- More connection before the teenage years
- A place to name what feels uncomfortable
- Community with mothers who understand
- Support for your daughter as she enters a new stage
You are warmly invited.
Mother–Daughter Circle (Jan 31):
https://forms.gle/8yThAJ8uyUC17oNA8
My First Moon Camp
Registration opens January 28.
Join the interest list here:
https://forms.gle/jBFuzeRvATsJxNGS6
With care,
Sandra
